SpiriseBible
Finding My True Identity
Alex Jordan's Journey from Gender Confusion to Clarity in Christ
Note: This testimony is shared with love and sensitivity. If you're struggling with identity, know that you are deeply loved by God exactly where you are.
Alex Jordan
Identity Coach, Author of "Known by God"
"I searched for my identity in surgeries and hormones. I found it in the One who created me."
Born Alexandra, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. At age 5, I told my mom I was supposed to be a boy. She thought it was a phase. By 15, I knew it wasn't.
Ages 5-10: The Questions Begin
Hated dresses, loved trucks, confused by pronouns. Prayed every night that I'd wake up as a boy.
Ages 11-15: The Dysphoria Deepens
Puberty was torture. Every feminine change felt like betrayal. Started binding, cutting hair, hiding in baggy clothes.
Ages 16-18: The Discovery
Found online trans communities. Finally had words for my feelings. Came out as transgender. Parents devastated.
"I thought I'd found the answer. Transgender. That's what I was. The relief of having a label was intoxicating. Finally, I could fix what was wrong with me."
The Transition Years
"Every morning I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger. Female body, male soul—that's what I believed. The disconnect was unbearable. I was willing to do anything to align my outside with my inside."
At 18, I legally changed my name to Alex. Started testosterone at 19. The changes were dramatic—deeper voice, facial hair, muscle growth. For the first time, I felt like myself. Or so I thought.
My Christian parents mourned their "daughter." I cut them off, found a new family in the LGBTQ+ community. They understood me. They celebrated me. They never questioned my choices.
The Medical Journey
The Emptiness After Everything
I'd done everything. Hormones, surgery, legal changes, new life. I passed perfectly as male. No one knew my history. But alone at night, the questions returned:
"Why do I still feel incomplete? Why is the dysphoria still there? What if I'm still not the real me?"
2019: My car broke down outside a church. While waiting for a tow, a woman named Grace invited me in for coffee. She didn't know my story. She just saw someone who needed kindness.
Grace became my friend. She never preached, never judged, just loved. Months later, she invited me to her small group. "Just for the community," she said. Lonely, I agreed.
That first night, they were studying identity in Christ. The leader said, "You are not defined by your feelings, your past, or your body. You're defined by who God says you are." Something cracked inside me.
"I ran out crying. How dare they? They didn't understand dysphoria, transition, the years of pain. But Grace followed me. She held me while I sobbed and said, 'God loves you exactly as you are right now. But He loves you too much to leave you in pain.'"
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."
- Genesis 1:27 (KJV)
This verse haunted me. What if God didn't make a mistake? What if the mistake was mine?
I didn't detransition overnight. It took two years of therapy, prayer, and wrestling with God. Grace's small group became my lifeline. They loved Alex while helping me rediscover Alexandra.
Step 1: Spiritual Healing
Accepted Christ at 25. Realized my identity crisis was spiritual, not just physical. Started seeing myself as God's beloved child first.
Step 2: Psychological Work
Christian therapist helped uncover childhood trauma, rejection, and false beliefs about gender. Healing the root, not just symptoms.
Step 3: Medical Detransition
Stopped testosterone. Dealt with changes. Some things irreversible. Learning to accept my altered but still female body.
Step 4: Reconciliation
Hardest step: calling my parents. "I'm still figuring things out, but I want to come home." They wept. Grace upon grace.
Today, I go by Alex—short for Alexandra. I'm learning to embrace the woman God created me to be. It's not easy. Some days, dysphoria whispers. But God's voice is louder.
"I don't condemn my trans years. They were part of my journey to truth. I have compassion for that hurting person trying to find peace. But transition treated symptoms, not the cause. Only Christ healed the real wound—separation from my Creator and His design."
Restored Identity Ministry
God redeemed my story. I now help others struggling with gender identity find healing in Christ. Not conversion therapy—just love, truth, and space to heal.
To Those Still Struggling
If you're wrestling with gender identity, please hear my heart: You are loved. Your pain is real. Your questions are valid. God isn't angry at your confusion—He wants to heal it.
Whether you're trans, questioning, or detransitioning, God's love remains constant. He knows the pain of dysphoria. He sees your tears. He's not demanding instant change—He's offering lasting peace.
The church hasn't always handled this well. I'm sorry if you've been hurt. But please don't let broken people keep you from a perfect God. He makes no mistakes—including you.
Your true identity isn't found in transition or detransition. It's found in the One who knew you before you were born.
A Prayer for Identity
"Creator God, You know the one reading this. You see their struggle, their questions, their pain. Meet them in their confusion. Show them who You created them to be. Give them courage to trust Your design, patience for the journey, and peace in the waiting. Help them find their identity not in labels or surgeries, but in being Your beloved child. In Jesus' name, Amen."
I'm 32 now. Some effects of testosterone are permanent—my voice, some facial hair. But I'm at peace. I wear dresses sometimes, jeans others. I'm not performing femininity or masculinity—I'm just being Alexandra, beloved daughter of God.
My journey wasn't straight. Yours might not be either. That's okay. God isn't looking for perfect people—He's looking for willing hearts. Mine took the long way home, through confusion and transition and back again. But He never let go.
To my trans friends: I love you. I see you. I pray for you. My story isn't prescriptive for yours. But I pray you find the peace I searched for in all the wrong places. It's found in knowing whose you are, not just who you are.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yes, you. Exactly as you are. That's not a mistake—it's a masterpiece.
